And Now...

Nathan stayed for a little while to make sure I was okay after surgery. Brought me home, got my meds, gave them to me, gave me an ice pack. I think that was the first time he'd ever taken care of me. Definitely bittersweet.

He didn't hug me before surgery. Didn't wish me luck. I didn't expect it, but it would have been nice. That's the type of thing you usually do for someone, isn't it? I don't know. As much as I want to be back together, maybe it's really for the best that we aren't. He's told his family already, and I've told mine. They seem supportive of his decision. I guess they don't care that I've been left high and dry with a part time job and a mortgage and son to support. Nathan really needed someone younger anyway. The eight years between us is too much, and he's just not ready for something so serious, even though he thought he was in the beginning. My family just tells me to move on, and I'd like to. It would be much easier if I didn't have to see him at work.

Not feeling too good right now. Aside from the anesthesia, I'm just feeling down in the dumps. I want to be happy again. With or without Nathan. I just don't know how.