Mom

She sent me an e-mail because Caleb told her that Nathan moved out. I guess I should have told Caleb to keep it a secret. Oh well.

Now that it's out, it does feel like relief. Now I can talk to my family about everything. My mom assumes he left because of my depression. At least it sounds like she won't think poorly of him.

Felt giddy seeing Nathan at work yesterday. Just looking at him made my heart flutter. It's like before we even got together and I used to pine for him over the weekend and couldn't wait to see him at work. I called and told him so when I was supposed to be eating lunch yesterday, which I ended up not eating, so that I haven't eaten since yesterday morning and for some reason, I still feel ok. Anyway, I got all upset, and he really seemed put out by it. Told me that I need to be more emotionally independent of him, that my happiness should not depend upon the possibility of us getting back together. Starting to think he's full of himself. I can certainly be happy without him, I just want him to be involved in it. Seriously, I want to call him all sorts of nasty names and horrible things, but that wouldn't be very ladylike. And it wouldn't make him want to come back either. So I didn't.

Hopefully today I'll be able to smile and fake it. That used to be my motto at one of my old jobs. I used to be very good at it, too. I just don't have the heart to do it these days. But I must. It's necessary.

Kept waking up again last night. It's got to be an effect of the Citalopram. Also, can't seem to drink enough water to quench my thirst. Been carrying breath strips on me because my mouth has this metallic taste all the time. Could be the medication, could be the fact that I'm unintentionally starving myself. Will have to be sure to let the doctor know when I see her next week.