So Far So Not Good

I'm trying hard not to call Nathan. I don't want to push him away any more than I already have. I'll see him Monday at work, and I'm hoping I'll be able to smile and be friendly to him. He doesn't want any more stress from me right now, so I'll keep my distance. He used to be so playful and liked to joke around a lot, but I think my intensity changed that in him. With the Celexa I think I might be more moderate and more able to control my moods, although it's too soon to tell. I will say that I'm going normal speed now.

Couldn't sleep again last night. Woke up at 2, 3, and 6 am. Might be the medication, might be the depression, or it might be like my mom used to say when I couldn't sleep--someone's thinking about me. I'd like to think it was Nathan. I actually wanted to call him during my insomnia, but I don't think he would have appreciated it since he had to go to work this morning.

Feeling kind of tired after having a talk and a cry at a friend's house. Would like to go to sleep, but afraid I might stay up all night since I also had a good long nap this afternoon. Didn't get a chance to take Caleb anywhere. Would have liked to go to the Science Fiction Museum and the Experience Music Project, but got a late start and we might have had to come home in traffic if we did go. So opted not to. Oh well. Maybe next time.

My sister called. Couldn't tell her what was wrong. Just ended up crying on the phone because I didn't want to tell her about the situation. Don't want anyone to know. She said she'd call in a couple of days. Maybe I won't pick up the phone this time.