Jealousy II

So I'm starting to sink more today, though I'm trying to fight it. I don't want to have to deal with a fight when my honey comes home today after "getting his car fixed/oil changed." The problem is that last night's onset of my jealousies has carried over into today. Although I was able to overcome it and talk myself out of what I thought he might have done with one of his coworkers before he got home, thereby avoiding any sort of confrontation, he is now out getting his car worked on and did not want me to come along so that we could get some errands done after it was finished.

Should I be concerned that he did not want me to hang around? Probably not. He said he just figured it would take a long time and that he didn't want me to have to wait around so long. Of course, my mind hurtles to the most extreme of scenarios, i.e. he's meeting up with that person from work, hanging out at Target, getting breakfast (he didn't eat anything other than a piece of the carrot bread I made last night, which by the way turned out not so bad,) smooching, going to a cheap motel, and so on. I really worked myself up over it while I was doing dishes and had to go for a walk to get myself to think of other things.

Funny how when I do that, I can make myself feel better by thinking of the possibility of catching him in the act of infidelity. Not that I want it to end between us, but it leads to very satisfying thoughts of how I can eventually get back at him: maybe I'll end up with some really hot island man who'll come to work to bring me flowers with my former sweetie as a witness to the new man's undying devotion (did I forget to mention that we work together?) Actually, it probably wouldn't happen that way since I doubt we would work together if we split up since I don't think I could handle it, but I like to think of the things that might happen. And maybe the person he's been "cheating" on me with will be there to witness the wonderful things my new guy does for me, or even better, maybe my former sweetie will end up with some butt-ugly girl worse than me.

Of course, he's not my former, but by current sweetie, and I probably sound ridiculous for making up these stories about how I will get my revenge when he does what I only think he's doing. In any case, I'm falling into one of those moods and I'm hoping it goes away or that I get it in control by the time he gets home.