Reassurance

Had an episode today. Got to talking about a subject that I've been trying to stay away from, namely a particular person at work that I don't like. I'm convinced that she doesn't like me i.e. turns away when she passes me, says hello very rarely, chit-chats even less. I play it cool at work, like I don't care, but at home, I can get all crazy just because my honey bunny likes her and has a good rapport with her. For some reason, I take it as an insult that he likes her. I've been trying not to show my catty side at home, but it seems the pms is still in control (even though I'm already bleeding,) so I lost it. Didn't get angry and start throwing things, but it did bring me down and had to have a good cry over it, thinking that everyone is against me, including my honey bunny.

Tried to play it off by saying all I needed was some reassurance from him (while he's playing Warcraft.) I mean, a hug would be nice, but I hate having to request it. I just want him to know what to do. Unfortunately, he still seems a little stand-offish with me, so he can't just come and hug me when I'm starting to get upset because he feels too tense and that there's too much pressure on him to perform. (He can't read my mind.) When he gets upset with me, he admits there's no way he wants to be near me. So I have to ask for hugs and kisses and consoling words and such. Things that should really be automatic. I guess the previous four years with me have just fucked him up so much that he can no longer do the basic things like that. He used to be able to, but it almost seems like he's tired of it. That he doesn't want to do as much as he used to since he's probably going to be leaving soon anyway.

Funny how my day started out fine and ended up so badly. The mirror says I look disgusting. Even after we "made up."