I feel like shit. Nathan is moving out today. He's requested that I not be here and that I not help him with it. My world is falling apart and I don't have anyone to confide in. I can't bear the "I told you so's" from my family, I cut off my friends when I moved up here, and I don't trust anyone at work enough. Nathan was my everything, and I feel like an idiot for letting him do that to me. I've never been so totally committed to anyone, and the one person that I do it for, abandons me like this.
I'm a total wreck. I want to have hope for getting back together in the future, but I don't think he's going to want that.
Today's my appointment with my doctor for some meds. I want the strongest out there because it's going to be hell seeing him at work, knowing that I won't be coming home to him. We agreed that we should give it a while before we start "talking" again. Which means Caleb and I will be spending the holidays just the two of us. We were supposed to be a family. But I think maybe I've put too much pressure on Nathan that he just couldn't take it. I don't know. It's probably much more complicated than that. His feelings for me have changed he says. I want to think a lot of it has to do with my mood swings and the way I've treated him in the past. If I had sought help sooner this might not be happening. Maybe.
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